Trophy Family

A battle is being waged and the prize is your family.  I’m going to tell you something and I hope you take it to heart..

You aren’t just being dramatic.  Your marriage-your family-is actually under attack.  You’ve got an enemy and he wants to wreck what you have.  Maybe now more than ever.

Maybe the first step in winning the war on your marriage is understanding what the enemy wants.  He wants to wreck you.  He wants to divide your house.  He wants your children to suffer and blame it on you.  He wants to take something that can destroy a person for life. He wants your mind.

I have what I would consider a great marriage.  I love my husband fiercely and he loves me right back.  Nonetheless, I am the product of a broken home.  And if I’m being truthful, the last time I remember feeling whole was when I was six.  And I don’t really remember being six.  At seven, my dad left my mom for another woman.  Another baby.

I can pinpoint the moment that I was shattered and wounded for life so vividly that I can describe some elements of the room and even what show was on the TV.   It was in those first years after divorce that I began to hate myself for sins I didn’t commit and grown up issues I didn’t understand.  All I believed was that I was so worthless that even my father didn’t want to stick around for me.  And so the struggle with acceptance began.  I got therapy.  It didn’t help.  Most likely because wounds inflicted on your soul are the ones that bleed in the most unexpected of ways.

I have spent all of my life searching for approval.  I want people to like me.  At times I have wanted it at the expense of my personal happiness or health.  I struggle with throat-closing anxiety when I feel insecure with my place in this world.

I have a great mother who supported my sister and I but she was so devastated by the deafening blow she was given that she spent years battling her own insecurities as well. I have found forgiveness and a relationship with my father as an adult.  He is a good man and loves Jesus with all his heart.

I have a husband who loves me unconditionally.  In fact, he is the only man in my life to love me and expect nothing in return.  There is no condition with him and even still, I struggle to feel his approval of me.  My insecurities affect my husband in the most unforgiving way.  My wounds bleed onto him quickly and without warning.

I have surrendered my life to Jesus and know he is where I find my worth.  I am a woman who is both broken and continually mended together by the potter’s hands.  I am a woman who knows where my help comes from and even when I have to answer to my insecurities, there are days when the emotions are so high, my marriage could become another casualty in the cycle of brokenness.

I often wonder who I would be had my life not been wrecked by the devil at such a young age.  He crept into my parent’s marriage and sank his teeth in deep.  Deep enough that even my children have to watch me fight against the remnant wreckage.  What if my dad had a strong relationship with Jesus then?  What if he was sold out for Christ and committed to making it work, despite his fleshly desires?  Would my struggles have been less?  Would I have to constantly fight so hard to keep myself above water?

My story, and the millions of stories like mine, are why the devil fights so hard for your family.  He wants to destroy you and the generations that will come after you.  My mental health has been a struggle most of my life because of feelings of worthlessness and if I didn’t have the saving grace of Jesus, I can’t even begin to think of who I would have become.

If you are a single parent or going through a divorce, I am in no way condemning you.  Life happens and some things just can’t be helped.   It is possible to raise children who don’t suffer so severely at the expense of a broken home and I fully realize that.  I am just telling you why-if it’s within your control and you have a fighting spirit that burns with the fire of Christ-you should fight for your marriage.

If no one has told you today let me be the first to say it.  You have a family worth fighting for.